Sticks and Stones
by LovableDuck
Summary: When Kirihara can't sleep, he ponders the reasons why. Oneshot. Very introspective.


Disclaimer: Eww. PoT smells bad.

Sticks and Stones

Kirihara Akaya ran a hand through his long, curly black hair before turning his eyes to the clock that sat on his bedroom table. The clocks glowing green numbers lit up part of his bedroom, throwing a green light onto everything near it, and leaving the rest of the room shrouded in darkness. The numbers also had another purpose: to show Akaya how late he was staying up. And this time the numbers read 3:00 am.

Akaya groaned, and rolled over. His eyelids felt heavy - too heavy. His mind was tired, and his entire body ached with the longing to go to sleep. But he couldn't. Because, despite how much he wanted to, there was something inside of him that wouldn't let him.

Perhaps it was guilt. Perhaps it was sadness. Perhaps it was anger or regret, or any of the millions of emotions people felt. But whatever it was, it was keeping Akaya awake.

Giving up on sleep briefly, Akaya let his mind wander down the path it always took whenever he couldn't fall asleep. But his lack of sleep had been getting to him lately, and he no longer knew how or why these thoughts were running through his head.

He had injured people with his tennis before. He knew it. He had accepted it, saw it as his limit, and then surpassed it; it had been weeks and days before he had hurt anyone. That was the thought process that had been running through his head for weeks now, drilling itself into a familiar, if not understood, pattern.

But tonight, for some reason, Akaya broke the cycle. Akaya finally saw why he was thinking what he was thinking: just because he knew he had changed didn't mean anyone else did. Just because he had decided to surpass his limits didn't mean that anyone else would surpass theirs.

Despite his new non-violence policy, whispers still fluttered around about him. People still made cruel remarks when he walked by, people still looked away from him. People might drop their eyes when he moved past, or lean over to whisper into someone's ear: "Did you hear? Kirihara's supposed to have renounced his violent tendencies. How long do you think he'll last?"

It hurt. The look of fear in flickering eyes, the look of guilt when they glanced back at him when they were done telling what they thought was a secret. That they didn't think he could hear hurt most of all, that they thought he couldn't or wouldn't notice -

But wait. Who were they? Akaya's mind spun in circles, trying to come up with an answer. "They" were the people who did not believe in him. "They" were the people who did not believe in second chances. "They" were the people who mocked him and tortured him - maybe not by throwing sticks or stones at him, but with their silent words and slight motions. That's who "they" were.

"Sticks and stones might break your bones, but names will never hurt me." The old saying ran through Akaya's mind, bringing with it a chorus of protest. The ancient saying was as untrue and false as the belief that the world was flat, that whites were better than blacks, that evolution didn't occur. The saying in itself was a lie - hadn't names and caused much more problems than sticks and stones? Hadn't more deaths been caused by name calling and taunting? Wasn't emotional pain much greater than physical, because while the body could heal itself, the mind could not?

But they did not know that. Or perhaps they did. Perhaps their anxiety to point out Akaya's cruelty was merely an effort to block their own. Perhaps their happiness in seeing sadness in another human was equal to Akaya's broken habit of happiness in physical pain. Or perhaps not.

Akaya could feel his eyelids closing, heavy not with triumph, but with relief. They would not stop, but he had to come to terms with it. But, if he did not give them something to talk about…

The steady breathing of Kirihara Akaya filled his bedroom. Exhausted green eyes were finally put to rest, and the mind, finally free from its nocturnal wanderings, rewarded itself with blissful dreams.

000

What do you think? I think I'm starting to get over my writer's block…if this story is any proof of that. xD But please, please, please, tell me what you think! I might do some more introspective one shots…but I need to know if they're any good first. xD

LoveableDuck


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